


an angel without her wings

by wavverlyearp



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-24 16:50:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16644029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wavverlyearp/pseuds/wavverlyearp
Summary: It had been seven months and three days since Nicole last saw Waverly, since her angel was taken to the garden, seven months and three days since Nicole had smiled and meant it, laughed and felt it, woken up without feeling like she was missing a part of herself.or the one where it takes seven months to get Waverly home again





	an angel without her wings

**Author's Note:**

> hello gays!
> 
> honestly not sure where this came from but the idea popped in my head and three hours later, this happened ??
> 
> so, I hope you enjoy (and don't hate me too much for the angst)
> 
> x

 

 

It had been seven months and three days since Nicole last saw Waverly, since her angel was taken to the garden. seven months and three days since Nicole had smiled and meant it, laughed and felt it, woken up without a feeling like she was missing a part of herself.

 

Nicole had spent every day, every minute, every second waiting and praying for Waverly to come back, to come home.

 

But she never did.

 

Wynonna had tried everything she could, she fought with every ounce of her body to get Waverly back. Everyone did. No one rested, trying new plans, finding new ways to get into the garden, to find her, to save her, to bring her home.

 

Doc was the only one who could go in, who did go in, and came back alone.

 

He couldn’t remember anything, he said all he could see was light, he didn’t see Waverly.

 

For six months they fought every day, the office never empty, none of them being able to sleep at night not knowing if Waverly could.

 

But on that day, six months since anyone had laid eyes on the vision that was Waverly Earp, there was an acceptance that they had lost. Nicole could feel it, the air thick, the room silent.

 

They couldn’t do this forever, there was a breaking point and Wynonna had hit it, tears falling silently from her face as everyone pretended not to see them. They knew if they tried to comfort Wynonna, it would only make the Earp worse.

 

For hours they sat, silent, drinking and waiting. Waiting for someone to say something, to come up with a new plan, a new idea, waiting for anything, for Waverly.

 

But no one said a word.

 

No one had said it was six months today since they lost her, but they were all counting the days, all one hundred and eighty-two of them, all four thousand three hundred and eighty hours without their angel.

 

After hours of keeping themselves together best they could, Wynonna broke, her silent tears became sobs, her deep breaths became short and shallow as she tried to calm herself.

 

Nicole went over, to hold her, to lie and say it was going to be fine, but Wynonna batted her away, Doc taking over and giving Nicole a sympathetic smile.

 

For Wynonna, Nicole had become a walking talking reminder of what she had lost, Nicole had worked so closely with Dolls, she was, _is_ Waverly’s girlfriend, and Wynonna could barely look at her without seeing what she had lost.

 

Nicole stood and watched as Doc carried her away, watched as she stood, useless, alone.

 

The next day came and it felt like it would never end, every second feeling like an hour, Nicole watching the clock in the station tick as the tears threatened to pour.

 

Nedley had sent her home, wanting her to relax, to cry it out maybe, but all it did was remind her that Waverly was gone, that her home was empty and it no longer felt like home, she didn’t have a home anymore, Waverly was her home.

 

Nicole thought about going to the homestead, going to see Wynonna, to come up with a new plan to get Waverly back, but she had no ideas, none of them did. So, Nicole sat down on the couch, buried her head into her hands and she let out everything she had been holding back.

 

The days passed and the silence grew, Nicole not having said a word to Wynonna in weeks, small glances in the corridor had been the best she could get out of the brunette. Out of anyone.

 

She grew to ignore the feeling of emptiness in her chest when she saw the black badge office shut closed, her invitation inside having been taken off her without a word.

 

But Nicole stayed strong, she did her job, smiled when she needed to, and whilst the redhead could see the concern in Nedley’s eyes as she asked for more overtime, he never said anything. Nicole thought he was maybe to sacred to ask, scared of Nicole’s reply, scared asking would break Nicole.

 

Nicole worked as much as she could, never missing a shift, covering shifts, staying for overtime. She had nothing better to do, she’d lost Waverly, she’d lost her everything.

 

Purgatory had always felt like home for Nicole, something she could never explain, but she knew she was meant to be here. She knew now why, and she thought nothing could ever change the way she felt about Purgatory, this was where she was meant to be, she survived and now she got to make sure she wasn’t the only one with a story to tell.

 

But everywhere she walked reminded her of what she had lost, Shorty’s was too painful to go into, she needed a minute before she could ever go into Nedley’s office. Everything was Waverly to her.

 

Waverly had been the glue that held her family together, Wynonna, Doc, Jeremy. Waverly’s smile made everyone feel at home, it made Wynonna give in and let Nicole in, it made Wynonna see the better in people, it gave Jeremy a fresh start, Doc a reason to smile.

 

Without Waverly, they fell apart.

Far too quickly, seven months came and Nicole called in sick, not leaving her bed. She couldn’t move, her body heavy, her mind racing yet empty.

 

She knew she shouldn’t, she knew that listening to Waverly’s voicemail from nearly eight months ago on was not going to help, but she had it repeat.

 

She couldn’t help but smile as the tears streamed down her face.

 

There as something about hearing Waverly’s voice that meant you had to smile.

 

Nicole pressed the button once more, her heart melting as Waverly’s voice began to speak;

 

_Hey baby, I’m just with Doc but I’ll be home later. Also, if you get this before I’m back is there any chance you can go to the homestead and help Wynonna with dinner because I really do not want food poisoning._

Nicole let her phone fall from her hands, knowing listening to that message was only going to make this harder. _This_ being accepting that Waverly was gone, that she couldn’t spend the rest of her life listening to a voicemail and waiting for the universe to fix the mess it had created.

 

So, Nicole picked herself up, threw on the first clothes she could find and got in her car.

 

She knocked on the homestead door once, twice, three times, but no one answered. Nicole knew Wynonna was inside, she knew there was no way Wynonna was anywhere but here today.

 

“Wynonna, open the door.” Nicole yelled, her voice breaking slightly as she did so.

 

“Leave me alone.” Wynonna yelled back, her words slurred. Nicole tried the door, sighing in relief when the door opened.

 

“Wynonna?” Nicole questioned as she took a step into the homestead, a bottle smashing against the wall next to the redhead, Nicole not flinching in the slightest.

 

“I told you to fuck off Haught.” Wynonna said, not looking at Nicole.

 

The brunette was slumped against the floor, her body crumpled, her eyes bloodshot. She was surrounded by empty bottles, a half empty one in her hand.

 

“I know.” Nicole said softly, not sure if taking another step towards Wynonna would lead to another bottle being thrown at her, but Nicole decided it was worth the risk, not that a bottle smashing against her would hurt anyway, after losing Waverly nothing could hurt Nicole.

 

Nicole slowly walked over to Wynonna, sitting down next to the Earp, the smell of booze overwhelming Nicole’s senses. Nicole wondered how long Wynonna had been sat here, how long she’d been drinking.

 

“What are you doing here?” Wynonna asked after a moment, looking over to Nicole. The redhead had never seen Wynonna look so fragile, so vulnerable, broken.

 

“I’m here so you’re not alone.” Nicole whispered, her chest aching as she looked around the homestead.

 

“I’m fine being on my own, in fact I prefer-“

 

“She wouldn’t want you to be on your own Wynonna.” Nicole said, watching the pain flash across Wynonna’s face and then a look of acceptance, of understanding, neither of them should be alone today, or ever. Waverly wouldn’t have wanted that, Nicole didn’t want that, and whilst Wynonna wouldn’t admit it, Nicole knew she didn’t want to be alone either.

 

They sat there until dark, neither speaking or moving, just simply surviving.

 

When Doc burst through the door, neither moved, ignoring the loud clatter of the door colliding with wall, ignoring as Doc’s words filled the air around them, until Doc said, “we’ve got a way to get her back.”

 

Three days past without any of them sleeping, all of them filled with a hope they had lost months ago.

 

They used the ring, the one that Waverly had given Nicole, Jeremy saying that he had found a spell or curse of some sort, Nicole wasn’t sure, all she was sure about was that this was their last chance.

 

“Who’s going to go in?” Wynonna asked, knowing she couldn’t, she tried too many times.

 

Doc opened his mouth to volunteer, like before, but Nicole beat him to it.  
  
“I will.”

 

She knew she couldn’t go in, she had spent far too many hours bashing the force field with her fists until the bleed, screaming into the forest, begging for Waverly.

 

But maybe this would be different, maybe Jeremy’s plan would work.

 

“You sure?” Wynonna asked, her voice soft, her eyes filled with worry.

 

“I’m sure” Nicole said, and they left.

 

Everyone stood at the bottom of the staircase and Nicole’s eyes followed the pathway to the door, to Waverly.

 

She took the first step, hearing Wynonna exhale when nothing happened, when she didn’t get fired backwards, when she made it.

 

Every step Nicole took with caution, none of this feeling real, the idea of Waverly coming back had become a mere concept that consumed her dreams.

 

But this was real.

 

The closer she got to the door, the more the ring started to react, heat radiating from it as it shook between Nicole’s fingers.

 

By the final step, Nicole’s fingers were burning, but she didn’t stop or turn away, knowing that if there was a chance of saving Waverly, then it was worth an infinite amount of pain.

 

Nicole wasn’t sure how it happened, but she felt her body hit the ground, hard, a light surrounding her for a moment until everything fell dark.

 

“Haught, god tell me you’re alive?” Wynonna said as she ran over to where Nicole was lying, a few feet back from where the stairs were.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine I-“ Nicole began, she wanted to say she had no idea what had just happened, she didn’t know why she was thrown from the stairs, she wanted to ask if she could try again, that she would try a thousand more times if it meant Waverly got to come home.

 

But when Nicole looked up, the staircase was gone, the emptiness replaced by the fragile body of an angel without her wings.

 

Nicole felt like the air had been knocked out of her lungs, Wynonna turning to see what Nicole was staring at, her mouth dropping as she saw the youngest Earp sat on the forest floor, her body covered by nothing but a thin beige blanket.

 

Nicole wanted nothing more than to run and hold Waverly, to tell her how much she missed her, how much she loved her, how she couldn’t wait to spend the rest of her life with Waverly by her side.

 

But Nicole held back, letting Wynonna run over to Waverly, tears streaming down her face.

 

Wynonna wrapped her sister in a tight embrace as tears rolled down her cheeks, whispering how much she had missed her, how she was so glad she was back, how much she loved her.

 

Waverly held herself still, stiffening as Wynonna’s arms wrapped tighter around her.

 

Wynonna felt it.

 

“Baby-girl?” Wynonna said, her voice cautious as she pulled back slightly so she could see Waverly’s face. The younger Earp staring blankly at her sister, her eyes casting over to Jeremey, Doc, Nicole.

 

Nicole felt her stomach plummet as Waverly’s eyes fell upon her and she looked at her like a stranger, and before Waverly had even said a word, Nicole realised her that the nightmares that haunted her dreams had just become her reality.  


Waverly had no idea who Nicole was, where she was, who she was.

 

Wynonna took a deep breath before she took a step back from Waverly.

 

“It’s okay.” Wynonna whispered, trying her best to smile whilst the tears that formed in her eyes held a different meaning. “Do you know where you are?”

 

Waverly shook her head, her body trembling.

 

“Do you know who I am?”

 

Waverly shook her head, her eyes filled with fear.

 

“Do you know where you were?”

 

Waverly paused for a moment, everyone holding their breath as they waited, Waverly shaking her head slowly and everyone felt their world collapse around them.

 

They took her back to the homestead, doing their bests to see the positives, that she was back, that Waverly was home.

 

But as Nicole stole glances of the brunette shaking in the passenger seat, she didn’t see Waverly, instead she saw the shell of the woman she once loved.

 

Once back to the homestead, Jeremy excused himself, as did Doc, leaving Nicole and Wynonna stood with Waverly, no one sure what to say, what to do.

 

After a moment Wynonna spoke, asking Waverly if she wanted to shower, the brunette nodding in response, words seemingly failing the youngest Earp.

 

Nicole went to get her clothes, going into Waverly’s bedroom, a faint smile appearing on her face as the memories flooded her veins.

 

For the first month or so after Waverly was taken, Nicole had stayed here, holding on to the faint scent of Waverly, holding onto anything she could.

 

After a few months, it got too painful to stay.

 

Nicole placed Waverly’s clothes outside the bathroom door, heading back down the stairs to where Wynonna was stood, whiskey in hand.

 

“What do we do now?” Wynonna said with a stifled laugh. “We were concentrating so hard on getting her back, we didn’t even think about this.”

 

Nicole kept her mouth closed because she had thought about this, it had haunted her, the thought that the Waverly that came back wouldn’t be _her_ Waverly.

 

“She needs time, her memories might come back.” Nicole said, her voice flat, knowing that the chances of that actually happening were beyond slim.

 

“But what do we do until then?” Wynonna asked with hopeful eyes, praying that Nicole had an answer.

 

“We just need to keep her safe.” Nicole said, Wynonna smiling and opening her mouth to respond, but the sound of the bathroom door opening silenced them.

 

Waverly came down the stairs, both Wynonna and Nicole’s eyes glued to her.

 

Nicole looked away first. She couldn’t do this, she couldn’t bear to have Waverly look at her as if she meant nothing.

 

“Um, do you want some food or some rest?” Wynonna asked gently, trying her best to pretend that this was okay, as if her world wasn’t burning around her for the thousandth time. “Or we can talk, maybe explain somethings to you?” Wynonna added after Waverly stood still.

 

It took everything within Nicole not to hold the brunettes shaking hands.

 

Waverly slowly nodded, Wynonna gesturing over to the couches, both Earp’s walking over and taking a seat. Nicole stood back, not sure if she could do this, but she knew she had to, for Waverly.

 

Wynonna explained the basics of what had happened, about the garden, about the Earp curse, about who Waverly was, the life she had. Wynonna told Waverly about Willa, about Alice and Dolls, about Doc and Jeremy, her family.

  
As Wynonna spoke, Waverly’s eyes kept drifting to Nicole, silently asking who she was. Why she was there.

 

Wynonna paused as she looked over to Nicole, asking for permission to tell her. Nicole wasn’t sure how Waverly would react, if she could handle it, if she could watch as Waverly found out who she was, what they had been.

 

But Nicole nodded, and Wynonna explained.  
  
Waverly didn’t react, she didn’t have a look of horror or realisation cross her face, she just sat and listened.

 

Once Wynonna had covered everything she could think of she paused, hoping for a reaction, anything from Waverly.

 

Soon enough the air was filled with a tension that Nicole couldn’t sit in. She stood up, walking out the door, her lungs desperate for air, her legs giving in as she sunk into the concreate outside.

 

Wynonna had followed her, the brunette trying to talk, to tell her something, but the noise didn’t register with Nicole.

 

Nothing did.

 

“She doesn’t remember.” Nicole whispered, over and over, Wynonna holding her tightly.

 

Later that night, Wynonna slept, it was the first time in months Nicole had seen her sleep, it was the first time the oldest Earp could close her eyes without guilt washing over her.

 

Nicole pulled a blanket over Wynonna, ready to go and sit in the kitchen until morning, knowing sleep wasn’t an option for tonight.

 

But as she stepped away from the couch, she stood, her heart pounding in her chest and she saw Waverly, leaning against the door frame, her eyebrows furrowed.

 

Nicole didn’t know what to do, or say, so she just stood and waited, hoping that Waverly would break the silence she had surrounded herself in.

 

But Waverly didn’t say a word, she just stepped away, turning and going up stairs to the room she had been told was hers.

 

Nicole felt the aching in her chest grow. Not being able to see Waverly, not knowing if the love of her life was alive was nothing compared to _this._ Compared to being able to see the woman she once knew better than anyone in this world and not knowing what she was thinking or feeling. Compared to being looked like a stranger by the one person who knew you. Compared to having everything you ever loved, every memory and moment, ripped from you in a matter of seconds, only for you to have the hope that it would be okay and that things could go back, but deep down the understanding that you can’t just go back.

 

The days passed and the aching grew. Every time she saw Waverly, she felt a wash of emotions, a flood of feelings and words she had kept to herself, things she only wanted to share with Waverly.

 

But the woman she was looking at didn’t even know who Waverly was.

 

Jeremy was doing his best to try and find a way to fix this, to get Waverly her memories back, but they knew the longer it took, the harder it would be.

 

He worked with Waverly a few times a week, doing everything he could to get any form of memories back, but so far, he found dead end after dead end.

 

Wynonna had told Waverly to make herself feel at home, that this was her home, but Waverly still tiptoed around as if one wrong step would be the end of the world.

 

Nicole went back to work, but she couldn’t bury herself in it like she did before. Her mind was trapped, unable to stop circling back to Waverly.

 

Nedley told her to take a week off, she told him she was fine but he wouldn’t listen.

 

Nicole slammed the office door shut behind her.

 

Once back at the homestead, Nicole felt herself begin to break, everything that had happened piling up, her head on the verge of imploding, her body trembling as she tried to comprehend what was happening.

 

She sat down on the couch, trying to control her breathing, trying to stay strong, until she questioned why. Why was she staying strong, who was she staying strong for? For those seven months, she had been strong for Waverly, but Nicole wasn’t sure there was even a Waverly left to be strong for.

 

So, she broke.

 

Nicole let herself breakdown, she let herself cry, scream, she felt her lungs burning for air but she couldn’t breathe, she felt her arms begin to bleed as she dug her nails harder but she couldn’t stop.

 

She wasn’t sure how long she was there, how long until she felt empty, drained, and she didn’t know how long those familiar brown eyes had been burning on her skin.

 

Nicole looked over to see Waverly, her face blank, her eyes sparkling like they always did, and she looked away.

 

Waverly came and sat down, next to Nicole, the redhead’s breath hitching in her throat. It had been nearly eight months since she had been this close to Waverly, since her body felt alive, since she felt as if there was something worth getting out of bed for.

 

Waverly slowly moved her hand, placing it on top of Nicole’s.

 

Nicole’s entire body froze, sparks flowed through her.

 

Neither of them moved, and for a moment, time stopped and everyone but them ceased to exist.

 

She had forgotten how this felt, how a simple touch could ruin her in seconds.

 

“I’m sorry.” Waverly whispered and Nicole’s world came to a stop.

 

Her voice sounded hoarse, but it was hers, it was the voice that Nicole had cried herself to sleep over, the voice that Nicole wished would talk to her again. It was Waverly’s voice, and it was Waverly holding her hand, it was the Waverly who she had fallen in love with.

 

Waverly just didn’t know that’s who she was.

 

Nicole smiled, ignoring the fresh tears that rolled down her cheeks.

 

“I’m sorry too.” Nicole whispered back, earning a small smile from the brunette.

 

Waverly gently squeezed her hand gently before she pulled it back, standing up and looking back at Nicole briefly before she left the room.

 

Nicole knew that Waverly had been simply trying to comfort her, to tell her that it was going to be okay even though it wasn’t, but it meant more than Nicole could ever say.

  
Even if the Waverly that was taken into the garden never stepped back out as if a day hadn’t past, that didn’t mean that the woman Nicole loved wasn’t back home, safe.

 

Waverly’s confidence began to grow after that night, she spoke more, she smiled more, she seemed less tense.

 

It helped Wynonna sleep at night, it made everyone feel like they could go back to some sort of normal, a new normal.

 

One month after they got her back, Wynonna dragged Waverly to Shorty’s, promising her it was okay and she used to love it.

 

Nicole hung back at the homestead, not sure if she could be there right now.

 

Hours later the Earp’s returned, Wynonna unable to speak as alcohol cursed her veins, Waverly quiet as she helped her sister to her room.

 

Once Wynonna was in her bed, Waverly came downstairs, sitting on the couch across from Nicole.

 

The two of them sat in silence for a while, Nicole still not sure what she could and couldn’t say to Waverly, not sure where she stood. But after a while, the brunette spoke up.

 

“I remembered it.” She said softly, Nicole feeling her heart jump in her chest.

 

She remembered something.

 

“You remembered Shorty’s?” Nicole asked, trying to keep her voice calm, her words still coming out higher than she would have liked.

 

Waverly nodded her head slowly, her brain desperately trying to remember who she was.

 

“I worked there.” Waverly said, her voice full of doubt.

 

“You did.” Nicole said as reassuringly as she could.

 

“It’s where I met you.” Waverly said, but there was no doubt in her voice anymore, her eyes piercing through Nicole as she spoke.

 

“It is.” Nicole said as she swallowed the lump in her throat, her heart beating so loud she was sure Waverly could hear it.

 

“I don’t remember being, there.” Waverly said, still not able to believe she was in the garden, “But I remember missing something, someone. I missed you.”

 

Nicole held her breath without thinking, her brain short circuiting, waiting to wake up from this dream.

 

“I know this must be so hard for you, and I’m trying to remember, I really am, but I know that I missed you Nicole.” Waverly’s words cut through Nicole and it was the best pain she had ever felt.

 

“I missed you too.” Nicole whispered, her voice failing her as the brunette casted her eyes down, her cheeks turning red.

 

“I just thought I should tell you, I don’t want to make this any worse for you and I can’t imagine how hard it is but I just, god I don’t know I’m sorry I shouldn’t have-“

 

“Waverly,” Nicole said, cutting off Waverly’s worried rambling, “thank you for telling me.”

 

The brunette exhaled slowly before standing up.

 

“I’m going to check on Wynonna.” Waverly explained as she walked slowly over to the door, pausing momentarily as she looked back at Nicole, “I’ll see you later, Nicole.”

 

Nicole smiled, “I’ll see you later, Waverly.”

 

Nicole left the homestead with a smile spread on her face and _she remembered me_ circling her thoughts.

 

Maybe, just maybe, this was the start of something new. Maybe they could work something out, maybe Nicole could find her home once more.

 

Even if Waverly never got her memories fully back, it would never be the same, and Nicole knew that, there was so much the brunette had missed, so many night Nicole had spent alone. Time had torn them apart, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t something they could do, it didn’t mean that there wasn’t a future for them, a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

It might take a few weeks, or maybe months, but Nicole knew that Waverly was hers and always would be, and she was stand by her side no matter what, as long as Waverly wanted her there, that is where she would be.

 

And no matter what happened, that would never change.

  

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you thought?? I really enjoyed writing this and if you want more one shots like this or a longer fic like this, let me know in the comments (if you didn't like it let me know why maybe??)
> 
> anyway, ily all
> 
> <3


End file.
